What am I?

I'm a writer and I'm proud of it.

But for some reason, I'm not always so great at it. At least, not in my opinion. I love reading books and I love writing stories even more. Lately, I haven't had the inspiration or the drive to write anything. Of course, I could force myself to write, but I don't like writing stories that aren't interesting to myself.

I write a lot on a board called ShadowSide (http://s1.zetaboards.com/ShadowsideRPG/). Or, at least, write more than I have been for the past couple of weeks. The board that started my whole online rping experience was Anime High School (animehighschool.net), but I hardly write there anymore. That has more to do with the fact that I don't think people much like me there anymore. Shadowside is a nice community for writers but...I don't know how I feel about it yet. It makes me feel a little out of place when I write there and sometimes the interactions in their chatroom make me want to facepalm...hard.


I'm a drop-out...not so proud of that.

It's true, I dropped out of college. Not because I wasn't smart or couldn't take the pressure of the college life, though. No, I quit for my family.

As I went to school, I also worked a job at Video Warehouse working part-time and making a few lil' bucks that I tried to save in case I needed anything. But, my family was having financial troubles and I offered to help them. I wasn't making much, bringing home a check of about $100-$130 every two weeks. It was my first job so I thought the money was good enough.

But it wasn't enough to efficiently help them and I started feeling really bad about their situation. The only way I could bring home more money was to quit school.

I intended to quit for only a month, maybe two at the max. Just long enough to get them back on their feet. It's been about a year or more and I'm still not back in school. I brought home about $150-$250 depending on how good the week was for me and how many workers we had. I ended up quiting just before my one year mark had passed so that I could take care of Dan.

Now I'm afraid it's just too late for me to go back. I have to move again, I'm financial incapable of supporting myself through college, and I don't have transportation to get there anyway. Taxi you say? I don't have a dime to my name.


I'm a gamer...or at least, I used to be.

Everyone has hobbies. I just happen to like gaming. It relieves stress and excites me. There's nothing like holding a new game in your hands, cleaning off your PS3 and readying yourself for a new experience.

Before Halloween, I moved from Atlanta back down to Midway with my mom and dad. And on Halloween, they needed a few more bucks to make the electricity payment. I didn't have any money since I spent it all on buying them new clothes (since most of theirs didn't fit anymore), so I decided to sell my games. Gamestop gave me $21 for four of the best PS3 games. Thanks GameStop...you didn't rip me off or anything. <3

So, with no games and no money to buy any new ones, I haven't actually been gaming...


I'm frustrated, confused, and stuck.

Maybe all this whining and bitchin' stems off of the fact that I'm just really stressed and frustrated lately. Flemington Vet Hospital told me I had about $300 left to pay on Dan's medical bills and I let them know that as soon as I had the money, I'd pay it off. They seemed very willing to work with me and assured me that it'd be ok for me to do that.

Next thing I know, I get a call from a lady (collection agency maybe?) telling me they wanted to send the sheriff after me. Apparently, I almost owe $500 now and was instructed to immediately pay the balance. She was quite rude and I didn't too much like hearing her talk to me. Now, Flemington has been very kind to me during Dan's surgery...but honestly, they've made so many mistakes that it's been nothing but a big hassle just to pay them their stupid money.

From day one, they were paid $150. When I called, they said they hadn't received it at all. So, Carly paid a lot of money just to make sure Dan could get his surgery. Later, they announced that they had, in fact, received the $150 and the lady before had made a mistake. No problem, right? No big deal.

About a week later, I was informed that there was less than $100 left on the bill. I was so very happy and I contacted Taylor's mom to let her know how thankful I was for everyone's help. However, when I called back, another lady seemed very upset with me for believing that. She told me I actually owed a little over $500. Now, the doctor had said the operation and everything involved would cost me $900 at max, so I expected to have to pay $900. $400 of that was paid before the operation. Another $200 was paid by Mrs. Moore's company. Not to mention the donations other people made during that week.

I was told so many different things about how much money I owed that week that no one could be sure how much was left. I was skeptical about having a remaining balance of $300 but I was happy enough about Dan to willingly take on the responsibility of paying it, no matter if I owed that actual amount or not.

So how'd I end up having to pay almost $500? Interest? Who knows. I thought Flemington and I had made a deal about my payments but they claimed such conversations had never taken place.


On another note, I'm moving in February to go live with Taylor. Or at least, I think I am. I'll be twenty on December 15 and I think I'm moving a little too fast for my own liking. I mean, I do love him and I do want to live with him eventually. It's just...I feel as if I haven't had the time to actually spend time with myself. I've spent my entire life living with other people and now, I'd be moving for good, living with my boyfriend and his parents.

It's not bad, it's just a lot of stress and a case of cold feet, honestly.


Speaking of almost being twenty, I still have no transportation, no job, no money, and I feel like I'm stuck and that I'll be stuck for a very long time. I feel stuck in just about anything that I do and I haven't even been out of the house and in any actual city in a good little while. Friends? I haven't seen any in ages and most of mine don't even live anywhere near here anymore.

Honestly, I'm not looking forward to my birthday. It's just one year closer to being the nobody that I never wanted to be. How the hell did I wind up here?

Dan Can Come Home

It's another beautiful day and I started it off right by packing the majority of stuff lying around. I'm on a little break now because I think I've been working pretty hard for the past few hours and deserve it. Wish I had something breakfast worthy to eat right about now, though.

Anyway, I called the vet just now and the doctor has informed me that my Dan can come home anytime now. The only trouble now is picking him up (since I don't have a car and taxi money is looking kinda slim). It's the new "thing" to stress over now. They'd prefer I bring him home today or eaaarly tomorrow morning. How I'll be able to accomplish that, I have no idea.

But still, I can't help but to be overjoyed at the fact that Dan is doing so well and the balance left on the bill is only $171.50. I can't thank those who have helped me enough for making this operation for my puppy possible. It means so very much to me and I wish I could repay them all somehow.

I'm still trying to decide if I should go to work today. It'd be my very last day working there since I'm going to be moving out of my Aunt's house by tomorrow. Oh, how fast the world moves, right? I just need to vaccuum my room and stuff and it'll be all packed up (with the exception of some things I need for tonight and tomorrow morning).

Well, back to cleaning and stressing out about how I'll get Dan home! :3

<3<3<3<3

Packing

Packing is such a drag. I have to constantly remind myself not to procrastinate since I'll be gone by this Saturday (which is three days away). It's just...Packing takes so much energy. I've been packing for the past two days and I still have a bajillion things I need to pack up.

I think I'll be lazy and take a break for today.

I guess the real question is...do I go to work on Friday? I mean, I know I'm supposed to but...since I'll be gone after that, should I really waste time at my job?

Maybe I didn't mention it before but, I work at Video Warehouse in Hinesville, Ga. Nice little cozy place filled with really kindhearted people. I've been there since September 6, 2008 and never a day complained about hating my job...until recently.

I'm only a clerk there...but honestly, everyone knows I do much more than a regular clerk would do (or should do). I mean, I know I'm hyperactive and crazy, but I do my work and I take my job seriously when it matters most. I think most of my coworkers (all 7 of them) would agree that I'm very good at handling customers...even the ones no one wants to deal with.

The fact of the matter is, I deserve more than what I'm getting for the job I do. Although I never get it, I never really complain about it. I just like doing my job...it's an asian thing..>>;;

But honestly...giving me nine hours a week now? I just can't do that. I have to pay for my puppy's surgery and I still need things for myself...like, oh I dunno, food? Hygiene products? Games?

There was talk about Mrs. McMahon making me manager as long as I got a car...but come on...if I had the position, I'd be able to afford the car. Anyway, her method of "hiring" a manager is against the Equal Opportunity Act and she could get into a lot of trouble for it.

By law, she has to inform the public about this position (and not verbally). She has to post it somewhere where everyone will see it and put down the requirements for said job so that anyone qualified for the position can apply for it. AND, if a car isn't on that list, she can't hold that against me and bar me from being manager.

Of course, she isn't posting the position or informing anyone except for a select few...

Why haven't I taken advantage of this fact? Well, you see...I'm asian...and nice...and and and...well I didn't think it was a big deal since she was planning on making me manager (from what I heard). That changed when she decided to hire a person who had managerial experience. Talk, all of a sudden, changed to making HER manager instead of me.

Now...I'm not one to hold grudges...but it hurt my soul that I was so easily replaced considering all I've done for that place. No, I'm still not going to complain about her unfair business maneuvers. Not now, at least.

I'm the best clerk they've got and anyone would admit it. I'm not being self-centered and over confident, I'm being serious. But it's ok...they can schedule me down for 9 hours and get away with it thiiis time...because I quit. <3<3<3

Soooo, back to being lazy and procrastinating! ^.~

Surgery Day for My Little Puppy.

Will took me to go see my puppy this morning before 10:40am so that I could see him before his surgery. I've missed him so much despite only being away from him for three or four days. I was just too happy to be there in the Vet's office knowing that I was seconds away from seeing Dan.

They had him in a little cage with a blanket underneath him. At first, he only lifted his head a little when he saw Will. But as soon as he saw me, he immediately got excited and started pulling himself to the front of the cage and licking the bars as I placed my hands near it.

I tried to calm him down the best I could, but honestly, I was so excited to see him too. A nice nurse opened his cage for me and told me he was a "strong pup". It made me proud that despite his situation, he's been a good boy.

I stayed with him for about half an hour before I took a few pictures and forced myself to leave him so he could rest before his surgery. He watched me as I left and all I could do was tell him that soon, we'd be together again.

After that, Will took me out to eat at Chili's (although I felt bad that he was paying for the both of us). I had an ok time, I guess. Really, I didn't care what we did afterward as long as I got to see Dan.

Later, the vet called to let me know that one of his legs was actually stabilizing and fixing itself so I might only need to give him the surgery in his other leg. I told him it'd be fine and he proceeded to do the surgery. Honestly, I was a little worried because, like with any surgery, anything could happen.

And the vet almost freaked me out when he told me that he had good news...and bad news...

The good news was, the surgery was a success and he inserted a pin in his leg and could successfully stand on it despite some soreness.

The bad news was, now the other leg was unstable and wobbly. He said if any complications surfaced, or if his leg didn't stabilize itself, he'd perform the surgery on the other leg as well. For now, they're keeping an eye on it and releasing him on Friday at the lastest (if all goes well).

I just hope Dan will be ok.

I Just Didn't Want to Put Him Down...

This is my dog Dan. He's only about a month and a half old and, as you can see, he's one of five little pups that Danielle gave birth to.

Dan is a very special dog for many reasons (especially now). But before this point, he was important to me because I love animals and because he looks exactly like his mom.

Recently, Dan has had a few accidents that has landed him at the vet. And by accidents, I mean, he got hit by a car....twice...on different days.

(Now, let's put this out there for those who don't understand. I moved out of my mom's house about a year and a half ago because of a stupid argument. We're over the argument stuff now but we still don't live together. I live with my aunt in the next city while my mom, my two brothers, my sister, and my dad live together back at home.)

My parents told me about it when it happened, but since I live thirty minutes away from them, have no car, and had to go to work on those days, I couldn't reach him until my next day off.

My little puppy, dragging himself along by his two front legs, exhausting himself out to the point where he just lays in the rain instead of moving into shelter. When I saw him...I cried. When they feed the puppies, they generally leave food out for all of them to share. But this method isn't good enough for Dan because he doesn't waste energy dragging himself to the food. Of course, my family is nice enough to pick him up and place him right in front of it...but the other puppies (as cute as they are) tend to be vicious about their meal and drag food away from him.

My first day with him after this happened, I lifted him carefully into my lap and fed him from the palm of my hand. Needless to say, I was crying harder than a baby with a dirty diaper.

Later, I set an appointment up at the vet and decided to take him in despite how terribly broke I am. My girlfriend, Carly, paid for his doctor visit and his xrays and my best friend Carlos drove me there and back.

I didn't need the xrays to tell me Dan had two broken hind legs. I already knew that. I just wanted to know if they could do anything about it. All that mattered to me at that point was making sure he could walk again and that he wasnt' going to be put down.

After talking to the vet a while, I decided that I was going to get him the surgery early the next week...but in order for them to do that, I'd have to put $300 down out of the entire bill. Although that may not seem like a lot...let's remember how broke I am. Distraught but not willing to cancel Dan's surgery, I talked to Carly and our boyfriend, Taylor, about the situation hoping they could give me advice about the situation.

I just didn't want to put my dog down. He meant too much to me. Anything was better than killing him.

Later on, Taylor's mom was able to tell my story to a few people she knew and was able to contribute $150 to his bill. I was so very greatful. I thought things like this only happened to "other" people, and now it was happening to me.

Dan is still at the Vet's today and his surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. I can't thank those who helped me enough for all they've done for me.

Dan is very special.

Silly Kids...

When I was younger, it was exceptionally important that I grew up as someone of great importance. Not famous, mind you. Just someone very very important that would be remembered by, at the least, the city she spent most of her life growing up.

As I got older, however, I realized that I no longer felt the urge to be important in the city I was in. I wanted to be important to a completely new city. One that didn't quite know me at all. Praised by complete strangers.

Later, I changed my views. Knowing I was only a little kid, I thought that maybe I should start in a more realistic direction. And thus began my plan to take over the internet. The plans started out slowly and were severely blurry, but soon enough, I came up with plans to insure my complete global dominance.

I mean, I was familiar with people from the internet due to their memorable youtube videos, or journals, or blogs, or ...whatever, really. I thought 'why not me?'. And so I started making tons and tons of blogs.

What I've come to realize about myself now is that...genuinely, I don't care how many people read my blogs anymore. I don't care about being the next internet icon. Honestly, now that I'm older, I'd rather not be such a well-known person. I just want to write out how I feel without wasting paper and lead.