That said, we were both pretty upset about not being able to see each other this month. I had everything already packed up and I was so excited to go and so was he. When we realized that we just couldn't do it, we later decided to get webcams so we can at least see each other everyday regardless.
The webcam is fun and it makes me happy being able to see him. It certainly helps me feel a little better considering the trip not going as according to plan. Oh well, things happen and we get through them. I can't help but to smile when I see him over the webcam though. I always get so excited every time we get on. He's just so wonderful.
My biological father was over yesterday since the kids are off for Winter Break. He saw me webcamming with Zane and he (being the intimidating person that he always tries to be) started questioning Zane about what he does and where he works. Zane didn't seem at all put off and answered pretty calmly (which is always a surprise since everyone's pretty intimidated by him). Ron seemed rather pleased with him and that was a major relief. On top of that, Zane likes him which put me at ease (and stopped me from making plans to forever stop Ron from ever being around Zane).
I really do love Zane and I'm so glad he's in my life.
Onto me being stressed out. I mean...I guess it's not really me being stressed out...I guess it's just me being confused and generally upset. I try not to let it show because I don't want Zane to worry about me for no reason.
Well, when Ron came down, obviously Marcus came down to go to Midway with Mommy and Daddy. That would have been fine enough. But then I learn that Mommy and Daddy rode up to Macon just to get Marcus. I live 15 minutes away from them and they don't bother to visit me ever unless they need something.
It just hurts my feelings and as days go by, it hurts more and more. I don't want to call and then feel like they are trying to rush off the phone. Last time I called, that's what it felt like. My mom was like "Ok, you've got stuff for us, we'll pick it up tomorrow. WELL I'LL LET YOU REST NOW." In the morning, mom?! Really?! Back when I used to give them money and stuff, my mom and dad called me all the time to see how I was doing and if I wanted any food or anything. Now it's like, they don't want to do that anymore or don't care to. It hurts my feelings so badly. They know I don't have any japanese rice here and they used to offer to bring me some (along with some dinner). But now that I haven't been showering them with what little money I have...I don't get those calls or offers anymore.
I don't know what's going on but the only thing that has changed from before and now is that I'm not giving them any money or taking them out to eat or buying them clothes or food. I can't afford to. I barely have anything left. It just hurts. It's not fair.
