What am I?

I'm a writer and I'm proud of it.

But for some reason, I'm not always so great at it. At least, not in my opinion. I love reading books and I love writing stories even more. Lately, I haven't had the inspiration or the drive to write anything. Of course, I could force myself to write, but I don't like writing stories that aren't interesting to myself.

I write a lot on a board called ShadowSide (http://s1.zetaboards.com/ShadowsideRPG/). Or, at least, write more than I have been for the past couple of weeks. The board that started my whole online rping experience was Anime High School (animehighschool.net), but I hardly write there anymore. That has more to do with the fact that I don't think people much like me there anymore. Shadowside is a nice community for writers but...I don't know how I feel about it yet. It makes me feel a little out of place when I write there and sometimes the interactions in their chatroom make me want to facepalm...hard.


I'm a drop-out...not so proud of that.

It's true, I dropped out of college. Not because I wasn't smart or couldn't take the pressure of the college life, though. No, I quit for my family.

As I went to school, I also worked a job at Video Warehouse working part-time and making a few lil' bucks that I tried to save in case I needed anything. But, my family was having financial troubles and I offered to help them. I wasn't making much, bringing home a check of about $100-$130 every two weeks. It was my first job so I thought the money was good enough.

But it wasn't enough to efficiently help them and I started feeling really bad about their situation. The only way I could bring home more money was to quit school.

I intended to quit for only a month, maybe two at the max. Just long enough to get them back on their feet. It's been about a year or more and I'm still not back in school. I brought home about $150-$250 depending on how good the week was for me and how many workers we had. I ended up quiting just before my one year mark had passed so that I could take care of Dan.

Now I'm afraid it's just too late for me to go back. I have to move again, I'm financial incapable of supporting myself through college, and I don't have transportation to get there anyway. Taxi you say? I don't have a dime to my name.


I'm a gamer...or at least, I used to be.

Everyone has hobbies. I just happen to like gaming. It relieves stress and excites me. There's nothing like holding a new game in your hands, cleaning off your PS3 and readying yourself for a new experience.

Before Halloween, I moved from Atlanta back down to Midway with my mom and dad. And on Halloween, they needed a few more bucks to make the electricity payment. I didn't have any money since I spent it all on buying them new clothes (since most of theirs didn't fit anymore), so I decided to sell my games. Gamestop gave me $21 for four of the best PS3 games. Thanks GameStop...you didn't rip me off or anything. <3

So, with no games and no money to buy any new ones, I haven't actually been gaming...


I'm frustrated, confused, and stuck.

Maybe all this whining and bitchin' stems off of the fact that I'm just really stressed and frustrated lately. Flemington Vet Hospital told me I had about $300 left to pay on Dan's medical bills and I let them know that as soon as I had the money, I'd pay it off. They seemed very willing to work with me and assured me that it'd be ok for me to do that.

Next thing I know, I get a call from a lady (collection agency maybe?) telling me they wanted to send the sheriff after me. Apparently, I almost owe $500 now and was instructed to immediately pay the balance. She was quite rude and I didn't too much like hearing her talk to me. Now, Flemington has been very kind to me during Dan's surgery...but honestly, they've made so many mistakes that it's been nothing but a big hassle just to pay them their stupid money.

From day one, they were paid $150. When I called, they said they hadn't received it at all. So, Carly paid a lot of money just to make sure Dan could get his surgery. Later, they announced that they had, in fact, received the $150 and the lady before had made a mistake. No problem, right? No big deal.

About a week later, I was informed that there was less than $100 left on the bill. I was so very happy and I contacted Taylor's mom to let her know how thankful I was for everyone's help. However, when I called back, another lady seemed very upset with me for believing that. She told me I actually owed a little over $500. Now, the doctor had said the operation and everything involved would cost me $900 at max, so I expected to have to pay $900. $400 of that was paid before the operation. Another $200 was paid by Mrs. Moore's company. Not to mention the donations other people made during that week.

I was told so many different things about how much money I owed that week that no one could be sure how much was left. I was skeptical about having a remaining balance of $300 but I was happy enough about Dan to willingly take on the responsibility of paying it, no matter if I owed that actual amount or not.

So how'd I end up having to pay almost $500? Interest? Who knows. I thought Flemington and I had made a deal about my payments but they claimed such conversations had never taken place.


On another note, I'm moving in February to go live with Taylor. Or at least, I think I am. I'll be twenty on December 15 and I think I'm moving a little too fast for my own liking. I mean, I do love him and I do want to live with him eventually. It's just...I feel as if I haven't had the time to actually spend time with myself. I've spent my entire life living with other people and now, I'd be moving for good, living with my boyfriend and his parents.

It's not bad, it's just a lot of stress and a case of cold feet, honestly.


Speaking of almost being twenty, I still have no transportation, no job, no money, and I feel like I'm stuck and that I'll be stuck for a very long time. I feel stuck in just about anything that I do and I haven't even been out of the house and in any actual city in a good little while. Friends? I haven't seen any in ages and most of mine don't even live anywhere near here anymore.

Honestly, I'm not looking forward to my birthday. It's just one year closer to being the nobody that I never wanted to be. How the hell did I wind up here?