Stop Being Silly, Tephie

Woke up feeling pretty good despite my tumtum still feeling a little icky. I'm still a little bit tired but I'll be fine. Haven't eaten anything yet and it's almost 1:30pm. For some reason, my appetite has been decreasing drastically and I'm not sure why. Any time I try to eat more than what my appetite wants, I start feeling sick. That would have been fine if it wasn't for the fact that I can eat two small things and then be fine for the rest of the day. Shouldn't I be eating more than that?

I'm 33 weeks pregnant out of the 40 that full-term people get to before dropping their load. I'm still not nervous about the actual day of birthing (because what's there to be nervous about? It's going to be lots of pain, no use getting nervous about that). What I am a little nervous about is Zane not being here. Of course he's coming down after his term ends but what if I go into premature labor and I have to give birth before he's out of school? I don't want to do that. I want him to be there with me because it would help me feel better about half my body exploding.

And then he could cuddle me and then I can be at peace knowing that the person I love the most is there with me despite me being in agonizing pain...and hopefully Quinton won't make it. If he does, I'm sure I can tell the doctors I don't want him there and he'll have to leave. I know it might sound mean but I don't want him around me...least of all when I'm giving birth. I don't want to see his stupid face there or hear him trying to calm me down as I try to strangle him. Being around him just stresses me out and I don't need that during labor.

A girl can only hope, right?

Anyway, something about being pregnant has made me waaay more paranoid than I am naturally. It also leaves me feeling severely insecure about myself a lot of the time. I'm so thankful that Zane puts up with all of that from me and still loves me. I guess I should stop thinking of the worse in situations. Like him talking to Quinton. He had his reasons for doing it but none of them revolved around him wanting to be friends with him. He was talking to a girl last night who needed someone to talk to and he was being very supportive and helping her feel better. I'll admit I was a little jealous and paranoid and I shouldn't have been. Of course I trust him and I know that I'm the only girl for him, but sometimes I just...I dunno. I'm just so happy to be with someone who's so kind and who loves me for who I am. I honestly don't know what I would do without him.