So I've decided that I'm tired of being a waste of potential.
There are a lot of good points to me but almost just as many bad points. One major strike against me is the fact that I'm a big dreamer but hesitate in pursuing my dreams. I want to write. I want to sing. I want to be a doctor. Yeeeeet...I'm not really working toward any of that.
In fact, I'm just dreaming and dreaming and dreaming. It's time to wake up. I'm done with sleeping. This has nothing really to do with the New Year coming up and it isn't a resolution for said New Year. I've been doing thinking and the simple fact of the matter is...I've got more potential than people could possibly wish for. It's time I put things into motion and cause a motherflippin' scene. :3
Are you a friend I've lost touch with? BOOM! Be prepared for me to come barging in your life again. Remember that book I've always meant to write? KAPOW! Starting on it and writing every damn day. Oh, and don't even worry about school. I've got it covered. It's happenin'. The world better prepare because I was only ever using a small percentage of what I can do. Watch your head spin with this one, world~
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
The Funny Thing About Past Relationships
I was on Reddit today and someone mentioned the "other" tab in your messages folder. I'd never noticed it before so I immediately checked on said tab to view the messages I'd been getting from people who weren't my friends. I'd been warned beforehand that a lot of it would probably be spam and that was true. On the bottom was a message from someone I recognized and I quirked an eyebrow trying to jog my memory as to what could have been said.
The message was from Taylor, my exboyfriend. I opened the message in curiosity expecting nothing but hateful words and belittling. The message was sent a couple of years ago and it was during a time when I had tried to refriend him. He was angry about getting banned from an rp site I owned and I couldn't help but to chuckle. Once again, something blamed on me that had nothing to do with me. In his message, he added a part mentioning that I should not contact him or anything of that sort. That we would never be friends and so on.
This doesn't bother me. Taylor was never really good to me except for before we dated and when we were nothing more than friends. I almost wish it stayed that way. Just friends since the beginning. He wasn't a bad friend to me, by any means. He had a sense of humor I appreciated and stood up for the people he held dear to him. Afraid of no consequence and a knack for words I could only dream to have. I remember that I used to admire him.
Now that I'm with Zane, I hardly even remember any of the bad things Taylor used to do to me. The only memories of it are held within diary books which have gathered dust from inactivity. Zane is so good to me and so perfect that all of the scars and baggage I used to carry have disappeared completely. I'm a better person for it and I have no one else to thank but him. Now, in my renewed state, I almost feel bad that Taylor and I couldn't have remained courteous to each other. I wouldn't mind posting with him again or simply talking about how life is treating us. Like I mentioned earlier, he was a pretty decent friend. If only he would have stayed that way.
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The message was from Taylor, my exboyfriend. I opened the message in curiosity expecting nothing but hateful words and belittling. The message was sent a couple of years ago and it was during a time when I had tried to refriend him. He was angry about getting banned from an rp site I owned and I couldn't help but to chuckle. Once again, something blamed on me that had nothing to do with me. In his message, he added a part mentioning that I should not contact him or anything of that sort. That we would never be friends and so on.
This doesn't bother me. Taylor was never really good to me except for before we dated and when we were nothing more than friends. I almost wish it stayed that way. Just friends since the beginning. He wasn't a bad friend to me, by any means. He had a sense of humor I appreciated and stood up for the people he held dear to him. Afraid of no consequence and a knack for words I could only dream to have. I remember that I used to admire him.
Now that I'm with Zane, I hardly even remember any of the bad things Taylor used to do to me. The only memories of it are held within diary books which have gathered dust from inactivity. Zane is so good to me and so perfect that all of the scars and baggage I used to carry have disappeared completely. I'm a better person for it and I have no one else to thank but him. Now, in my renewed state, I almost feel bad that Taylor and I couldn't have remained courteous to each other. I wouldn't mind posting with him again or simply talking about how life is treating us. Like I mentioned earlier, he was a pretty decent friend. If only he would have stayed that way.
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Mayu's Birth: Before It Was Over
(shhhh, I know I've been gone forever. Shutup D: )
The operating room was well-lit and seven or so doctors waited for me as I was helped onto another bed. The main doctor, male and annoying optimistic, told me he would be giving me a spinal since the epidural failed to soothe me completely. I almost rolled my eyes at him as he tried to convince me that this medicine would work wonders with guarantee. Nonetheless, I was willing to try anything considering scalpels were about to find their way into my meaty abdomen. Feeling any of it would have probably caused me to go insane.
The spinal tap didn't hurt, per se, but it definitely felt weird. Almost immediately,the feeling in my legs disappeared and numbness started inching its way throughout my body. Having had little to no sleep for the past three days, I found myself passing out for the majority of the surgery.
I woke up for a few minutes here and there, telling the doctor that he was so kind and that I felt so good because of the medicine before passing out again. At one point, they were talking about education and I butted in with silly ramblings that only a drugged patient would think made sense.
Who knows how long this went on for? Time, space, people, places, everything was just a blur as they worked on me in my daze. Eventually, however, Mayu was shown to me and she peeked out of one eye to gaze at her mother. As goofy as I was, I smiled and waved saying "Hi little baby" before passing out again.
The only thing I could think of was "Huh...she's not covered in tons of blood like I see in some tv shows..."
I woke back up to them stitching me back together. I felt the little tugs here and there but I felt so good that I couldn't complain. Afterward, the doctor asked me how the spinal tap had worked for me and I went on and on about how thankful I was to have it.
An hour later, I was in a hospital bed, unable to move my legs at all, greeted by my family, Mitzy's mother, and Carlos' mother. I was so happy to see them no matter how horrible I looked after my battle. A few hours later and they left the hospital promising to visit me in the morning when visitors were allowed again.
The operating room was well-lit and seven or so doctors waited for me as I was helped onto another bed. The main doctor, male and annoying optimistic, told me he would be giving me a spinal since the epidural failed to soothe me completely. I almost rolled my eyes at him as he tried to convince me that this medicine would work wonders with guarantee. Nonetheless, I was willing to try anything considering scalpels were about to find their way into my meaty abdomen. Feeling any of it would have probably caused me to go insane.
The spinal tap didn't hurt, per se, but it definitely felt weird. Almost immediately,the feeling in my legs disappeared and numbness started inching its way throughout my body. Having had little to no sleep for the past three days, I found myself passing out for the majority of the surgery.
I woke up for a few minutes here and there, telling the doctor that he was so kind and that I felt so good because of the medicine before passing out again. At one point, they were talking about education and I butted in with silly ramblings that only a drugged patient would think made sense.
Who knows how long this went on for? Time, space, people, places, everything was just a blur as they worked on me in my daze. Eventually, however, Mayu was shown to me and she peeked out of one eye to gaze at her mother. As goofy as I was, I smiled and waved saying "Hi little baby" before passing out again.
The only thing I could think of was "Huh...she's not covered in tons of blood like I see in some tv shows..."
I woke back up to them stitching me back together. I felt the little tugs here and there but I felt so good that I couldn't complain. Afterward, the doctor asked me how the spinal tap had worked for me and I went on and on about how thankful I was to have it.
An hour later, I was in a hospital bed, unable to move my legs at all, greeted by my family, Mitzy's mother, and Carlos' mother. I was so happy to see them no matter how horrible I looked after my battle. A few hours later and they left the hospital promising to visit me in the morning when visitors were allowed again.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Mayu's Birth: Before The C-Section
There was no other option but to get the c-section and after staying there practically all day, I wasn't about to argue. It took another hour before they rolled me out of the room. But before that...all hell was breaking loose.
I realized that I was no longer experiencing the blessing of the epidural. My body was trying to push this baby out every contraction I got and the contractions themselves were atrocious. They came every couple of seconds and had me squirming on the bed trying to calm myself. I asked for more pain relievers and they promptly attempted to reach the anesthesiologist again but to no avail. Soon, the doctor came in, noticed me in immense pain, and realized the nurse had forgotten to turn off the contraction medicine and, instead, had turned off the connection to the epidural medication.
After hearing that, I was so upset and the nurse looked down at me apologetically. At that point, there was nothing they could do about it but turn off the medication. Still, for the next hour, I felt nothing but pain and I did nothing but squirm and groan. I couldn't get comfortable and I ended up trying to grab on to things just for some kind of relief. Then a nurse had the audacity to try and take another sample of blood while I was in pain.
Anger and pain caused me to yell at her as I twisted and turned away, trying to stop her from taking blood while I shook from contractions. She was persistent anyway and I ended up snatching my hand back to hint even more that she was making a mistake.
Eventually, another nurse gave it a go and waited for a lull in my contractions to take my blood. She worked swiftly enough for me to accept her treatment and then she left. Slowly...ever so slowly, the contraction medicine was wearing off and the contractions began to weaken in strength. By the time they rolled me out into the hall on the bed, I couldn't wait for it all to be over.
Entering the C-Section room was pretty scary at first. It was well lit and filled with doctors.
I realized that I was no longer experiencing the blessing of the epidural. My body was trying to push this baby out every contraction I got and the contractions themselves were atrocious. They came every couple of seconds and had me squirming on the bed trying to calm myself. I asked for more pain relievers and they promptly attempted to reach the anesthesiologist again but to no avail. Soon, the doctor came in, noticed me in immense pain, and realized the nurse had forgotten to turn off the contraction medicine and, instead, had turned off the connection to the epidural medication.
After hearing that, I was so upset and the nurse looked down at me apologetically. At that point, there was nothing they could do about it but turn off the medication. Still, for the next hour, I felt nothing but pain and I did nothing but squirm and groan. I couldn't get comfortable and I ended up trying to grab on to things just for some kind of relief. Then a nurse had the audacity to try and take another sample of blood while I was in pain.
Anger and pain caused me to yell at her as I twisted and turned away, trying to stop her from taking blood while I shook from contractions. She was persistent anyway and I ended up snatching my hand back to hint even more that she was making a mistake.
Eventually, another nurse gave it a go and waited for a lull in my contractions to take my blood. She worked swiftly enough for me to accept her treatment and then she left. Slowly...ever so slowly, the contraction medicine was wearing off and the contractions began to weaken in strength. By the time they rolled me out into the hall on the bed, I couldn't wait for it all to be over.
Entering the C-Section room was pretty scary at first. It was well lit and filled with doctors.
Mayu's Birth: Before They Gave Up
The anesthesiologist came in; A plump white man with glasses. He spoke heartily and told me to sit up while he gave me the epidural. Now, to do this, they stick their stupid nail into the area they want to put the shot in...and they do it hard. Combined with the pressure in my lower abdomen, it was driving me nuts. Afterward, he stuck the tube in and blah de blah...whatever they do for epidurals.
It feels uncomfortable and weird. Like he says, it feels like a pinch...a long drawn out pinch. After a while, the epidural started taking effect and I felt a little better. The thing was, he hadn't placed it in the right spot causing there to be pain in some parts of my stomach and not others. I ended up alarming the nurses and demanding more. Quickly, they gave me more and I finally had enough to fall asleep.
Before this point, I hadn't slept in two days. I was severely tired and doze in and out as the medicine took effect. At one point, I remember my mother, father, and two siblings in the room comforting me. I smiled at them dizzily before turning over and sleeping.
My grandma ended up asking if Quinton could come and see me and I almost smacked her right then and there. Still, I was much too medicated to fight anything or anyone so he ended up coming and sitting in a corner awkwardly. When the nurses came in to check how dilated I was again, I forced him out, now awake enough to make my own decisions. The doctors were worried because I stayed dilated at 8cms and wouldn't go any further. My doctor told them to take me off the contraction medicine and informed me that I'd have to have a c-section.
I though "C-SECTION!?....ok....Sign me up." I was much too tired and several hours had already passed.
It feels uncomfortable and weird. Like he says, it feels like a pinch...a long drawn out pinch. After a while, the epidural started taking effect and I felt a little better. The thing was, he hadn't placed it in the right spot causing there to be pain in some parts of my stomach and not others. I ended up alarming the nurses and demanding more. Quickly, they gave me more and I finally had enough to fall asleep.
Before this point, I hadn't slept in two days. I was severely tired and doze in and out as the medicine took effect. At one point, I remember my mother, father, and two siblings in the room comforting me. I smiled at them dizzily before turning over and sleeping.
My grandma ended up asking if Quinton could come and see me and I almost smacked her right then and there. Still, I was much too medicated to fight anything or anyone so he ended up coming and sitting in a corner awkwardly. When the nurses came in to check how dilated I was again, I forced him out, now awake enough to make my own decisions. The doctors were worried because I stayed dilated at 8cms and wouldn't go any further. My doctor told them to take me off the contraction medicine and informed me that I'd have to have a c-section.
I though "C-SECTION!?....ok....Sign me up." I was much too tired and several hours had already passed.
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